Rock n Rollers Guide to the Galaxy

 

In Memory of Ace Frehley — The Original Spaceman

Before we blast off on this cosmic ride through rock’s farthest frontiers, it feels only right to tip our hats to one of the galaxy’s true explorers — Ace Frehley. The “Spaceman” of KISS didn’t just play guitar; he launched riffs into orbit. His shimmering solos and out-of-this-world persona helped turn rock into something galactic — loud, luminous, and limitless.

So tonight’s journey is for you, Ace. May the stars keep your rhythm.

The Rock n Rollers Guide to the Galaxy

Because the meaning of life isn’t 42. It’s “B.” The B-side.

Prologue: The Great Vinyl Hitchhike

In a universe filled with noise — political chatter, social media feeds, overproduced singles — there exists a small, shimmering corner where truth hums quietly beneath the static. It’s called the B-side.

Douglas Adams once told us the most useful item for intergalactic travel was a towel. Wise advice. But if you truly plan to survive a cross-galactic journey, you’ll also need a record player, a power converter, and a box of old vinyl. Because out there, between the comets and concert posters, you’ll need something to guide you — and that something is the Rock n Rollers Guide to the Galaxy.

Chapter One – The Infinite Mixtape

Every planet has its soundtrack. On Earth, we obsessed over A-sides — the shiny, radio-ready hits that played nice and paid bills. But across the stars, civilizations tune into the Infinite Mixtape — a sprawling archive of B-sides, rarities, and demos that form the true pulse of rock.

The A-side is perfection. The B-side is possibility.

When The Beatles released Rain (1966), they didn’t just create a song — they bent the laws of sound. John Lennon’s reversed vocals and Ringo’s underrated drumming turned a simple pop single into a trippy experiment that foreshadowed Tomorrow Never Knows. Somewhere out there, Rain still echoes in cosmic delay.

The Rolling Stones followed suit with Child of the Moon (1968), the psychedelic B-side to Jumpin’ Jack Flash. It’s eerie, cinematic, and sounds like it was recorded during a lunar eclipse. If the galaxy has a background hum, this track is part of it.

And Led Zeppelin? They tucked Hey, Hey, What Can I Do (1970) on the flip of Immigrant Song. It’s rootsy, melodic, and weirdly terrestrial — proof that even gods of thunder needed to touch earth once in a while.

The Infinite Mixtape never ends. It just flips over.

Chapter Two – The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything

The Hitchhiker’s Guide said the answer is 42.

Rock n Rollers know better. The answer is B.

Because B is for:

Bold – Bands daring to try something no label exec asked for.

Bizarre – The sonic experiments that somehow work.

Beautiful – Songs too raw, too real, too honest for the charts.

U2 understood this when they dropped Silver and Gold as the B-side to Where the Streets Have No Name in 1987. Bono sounds possessed — half preacher, half prophet. Recorded live in a single take, it’s messy and magnificent.

Nirvana made their own cosmic statement with Aneurysm (1991), tucked on the flip of Smells Like Teen Spirit. It’s pure chaos: loud, unfiltered, human. The kind of track that reminds you rock was never meant to be neat.

The B-side is the universe’s way of saying: “Perfection is boring. Give me something real.”

Chapter Three – Hitchhiking Across Rock History

When hitchhiking through rock history, don’t just pack a towel — pack a crate of essential B-sides. These are your cosmic coordinates, your survival guide through the weirdest corners of music.

David Bowie – Velvet Goldmine (B-side to “Space Oddity,” 1975 reissue)

A glittering, gender-fluid fever dream that could power an entire galaxy. This track whispers secrets about stardust and self-expression. Bowie didn’t just sing it — he became it.

The Doors – Who Scared You (B-side to “Wishful Sinful,” 1969)

A groove that drifts like smoke through a dark cosmic bar. Morrison’s voice sounds like a late-night transmission from another dimension.

The Clash – Long Time Jerk (B-side to “Rock the Casbah,” 1982)

A funked-up fever hallucination. Proof that even punk bands can dance through dystopia.

Queen – See What a Fool I’ve Been (B-side to “Seven Seas of Rhye,” 1974)

Bluesy, raw, unrefined — Freddie at his most human. Like the sound of a comet trying to sing.

The Smiths – Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want (B-side to “William, It Was Really Nothing,” 1984)

Two minutes of melancholy perfection. The kind of track that makes time stop. If you listen closely, you can almost hear the heart of the universe break — and then start beating again.

Chapter Four – The B-side Civilization

Somewhere, on a planet called Side B, musicians are worshipped not for fame but for feel.

There, producers ban Auto-Tune. The currency is riffs. And the national anthem is an extended guitar solo that never ends the same way twice.

In that world, The Velvet Underground’s Foggy Notion, R.E.M.’s Walter’s Theme, and The Police’s Someone to Talk To are taught in schools as sacred texts. Every full moon, citizens gather to flip the records of the gods — Sabbath, Bowie, Patti Smith — and remind themselves that truth is rarely found on the A-side.

You can’t reach that planet by spaceship. You can only reach it by needle drop.

Epilogue – The Vinyl Constellations

Look up. Those aren’t just stars. Those are glowing turntables, each spinning a forgotten B-side across the fabric of time. Somewhere between Saturn’s rings and your own dusty record shelf, rock’s greatest secret plays on an infinite loop.

And if anyone asks — what’s the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

Don’t say 42.

Say B.

Because the galaxy doesn’t hum to the hit singles.

It spins to the hidden grooves.

And every time you flip the record, you’re keeping that cosmic rhythm alive.

Cosmic Playlist: The Hitchhiker’s B-Side Survival Kit

1. The Beatles – Rain (1966)

2. The Rolling Stones – Child of the Moon (1968)

3. Led Zeppelin – Hey, Hey, What Can I Do (1970)

4. David Bowie – Velvet Goldmine (1975 reissue)

5. The Doors – Who Scared You (1969)

6. Queen – See What a Fool I’ve Been (1974)

7. U2 – Silver and Gold (1987)

8. The Smiths – Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want (1984)

9. Nirvana – Aneurysm (1991)

10. The Clash – Long Time Jerk (1982)

Listen here

Closing Note

Every record has two sides, but the universe only spins one truth: the soul of rock lives in its imperfections, experiments, and hidden gems.

So, next time you’re lost in space — or just in traffic — flip the record.

You might just find the answer to everything.